Of Underwear and 'Cast Away' References
by blackm00n5
Summary: 'Alright, something I never thought I'd say but really, really should have expected; House, give me back my underwear.' VERYVERY Light slash if you squint and turn your head to the side.


**A/N Whoo! First House fic, be a little gentle if it's OoC? This is a late christmas gift for a friend on Kataangforever(dot)net. This story stemmed form a conversation between the two of us. Hope you guys like it3**

**Disclaimer~ I do not own House sadly. If I did, he's be dressed like Holmes and someone would find him and Wilson getting it on in a closet.**

James Wilson narrowed his eyes.

He had already been suspicious when he woke up that morning. House had been up before him, which rarely happened. At first, he reasoned that perhaps his leg had woken him. But then the elder doctor left before him. That_ never_ happened. That was when the red flag raised in Wilson's mind.

And now he knew why.

Staring into his top drawer, he found only one pair of underwear. Soemwhere deep in his mind, he supposed he should be grateful that, despite the diagnotician's no doubt crazy plan, he'd left a clean pair for Wilson to change into. He then shook his head, realizing that being grateful for that meant he'd obviously been around House for far too long.

He made it to work just before he'd be considered late. He sat in his office, hand on his chin and feet on his desk. Thinking through his options, the oncologist decided that straight forward was the best approuch. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he stood, mentally preparing for whatever absurd notion his best friend had gotten.

His walk to House's office took longer than it should have, though Wilson refused to admit that it was dut to being nervous about what the other man had done. He finally made it to the diagnotician's office and he took a deep, prepatory breath before barging in.

"House, where is all my underwear?" he asked in an exasberated tone. House raised an eyebrow as he looked up from his gameboy.

"What, you naturally suspect me to be the one rummaging through your drawer and sniffing your lingerie?" He replied, pretending to look offended. Wilson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose again, his other hand on his hip.

"Where are they, House." he said rather than asked.

"Is it really a good idea to be looking to me when you can't find your underwear? And in a public place, no less! People have already begun to speculate." House made a dramatic show of looking around worriedly.

Wilson's eyes narrowed as they landed on the ball on House's desk, now completely wrapped in his underwear. He felt a small blush rise up on his ears before he looked back to House.

"What happened to the ball?" He asked with a dark tone and instantly regretted his choice of words when a mischievious smirk lit up his elder's face.

"Oh, now we're refering to the _contents_ of yo-"

"On your desk, House!" Wilson interupted angrily. House glanced at the ball of underwear and smiled.

"Ah, yes. Meet Wilson." he responded cheerfully. He held it out so Wilson could see the Sharpie smiley face drawn on it. Wilson blinked a few times.

"There's a smiley face on it..." He said increduously, more to himself than House. House brought it closer to him and held it under his arm.

"Y'see, sometimes, I need a friend to talk to and you're just not there." He nodded as he spoke. Wilson rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, folding his arms.

"So, naturally, my underwear is a perfect substitute." He said, sarcasm dripping off his voice.

"Well, it's about as effective," Wilson briefly wondered if that should be taken as an insult, "Think of all the medical diagnostic breakthroughs I could have that include stench and diarrhea!" House finished and Wilson just barely resisted the urge to face-palm.

"Alright, something I never thought I'd ever have to say but really, _really_, should have expected; House, give me back my underwear." Wilson pushed himself off the wall. House looked crestfallen and he held the ball of underwear, (the oncologist refused to call it Wilson, even in his own head) closer to his chest.

"But...but I booked an island retreat for two already."

"DAMMIT HOUSE!"

Wilson opened his top drawer the next morning and actually sighed in relief, visibly relaxing. All of his underwear were back in place. A note sat on top and he picked it up to read.

"_I'll have to take you to the island retreat instead since you made me kill Wilson_."

He didn't resist the urge to face-palm that time.

He looked down to see the smiley face staring up at him. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed them, his fond smile akin to that of an overwhelmed mother. Giving a small chuckle, he shook his head.

"Dammit, House."

**A/N Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome, and feel free to give me pointers on how to keep them in character. Lots'o'love dears.**


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